HEYOOOO (:

damn you, asss.

ok, i'm very upset+angry right now. i just had a quarrel with my mother over something that's entirely not my fauly&i did nothing to it. things are getting serious and i had an emotional outburst. argh. i shout&shout and... i went into my room and cried myself to sleep. ='(

she's protecting me and i know it. but... i'm not a kid anymore and i dont like this. haiz, do you all understand or not? all the pressure i had for the past few days just BOOM, exploded. i seldom quarrel with my mom le and now this happens. i feeeel so damn bad. i'm not a good daughter today. =(

eliza called me and i just cried over the phone. gosh, i cant take all these anymore. i dont know why i cried when its not my fault. i'm so upset that i quarrel with my mom over SOMETHING that's not my FAULT. haizzzz...

today is a boring yet relaxing day. no more taking back of results and... yup, the feeling's great. (= i was half-asleep when doing my history assignment. =.= chinese intensive is no fun&its... boring. =.= i'm gona be a super good girl and.. do my zuo wen+assignment. =) i wana a one time passs. =)

alll the emotions are still there. i feeeel damn pressurized and also.... ANGRY. why is alll this happening to me? my mother cares so much for me and i quarrel with her just because i cant take the pressure from outside anymore. just because she can take my temper, and.. she'll forgive me. and just because she wont be angry with me.. and just because she's my mother..

can you all just leave me alone? i want to be away from all these nonsense. i dont like it.... argh. my own family members are giving me zero pressure for anything and yet.. others are the one giving me pressure. i dont like this and.. i also dont like alot alot of things. i thought i can manage my emotions and now.. i'm losing grip of my own feeelings and... i feeel so damn upset.

i wish i could tell myself "i'm alright" like i always does... but deep inside, i'm not. =(definitely not as strong as what you might see me as...

random thoughts

为什么我已经不能控制自己的情绪了？
为什么我好像渐渐失去自我？

where's the real&carefree me?